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Trump Orders Elon Musk Deported to "South America via Canada," Musk Responds with Chaos and Canadian Dreams

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Washington, D.C., June 5, 2025 — In a move that shocked absolutely no one who’s been paying attention, President Donald J. Trump announced today that billionaire tech mogul Elon Musk will be deported to “South America, or maybe Canada first, I don’t know, we’ll figure it out.” The executive order, scrawled on a Big Mac wrapper and signed with a Sharpie, cites Musk’s “weird accent” and “too many rockets” as national security threats. “Elon, great guy, tremendous guy, but he’s gotta go back where he came from,” Trump declared at a Mar-a-Lago press conference, flanked by a golden statue of himself holding a taco bowl. “South Africa, South America, same difference. He’s not American enough. Sad!” The announcement came after weeks of escalating tensions between the two larger-than-life figures, reportedly sparked when Musk’s X platform refused to boost Trump’s posts about the "One Big Beautiful Bill Act", and his new “TrumpCoin” cryptocurrency, which crashed after being revealed ...
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Neuralink-Enhanced Dog Throws Idaho Murders Case into Chaos

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Boise, ID – In an unprecedented twist in the high-profile Bryan Kohberger trial, a Goldendoodle named Murphy has become the unlikely center of a legal firestorm that could upend the case surrounding the November 2022 murders of four University of Idaho students. The case, already fraught with complexity, has taken a bizarre turn after tech billionaire and self-proclaimed true crime enthusiast Elon Musk intervened by donating a Neuralink brain implant to Murphy, the dog owned by victim Kaylee Goncalves and her former boyfriend, Jack DuCoeur. The implant, Musk claims, has unlocked critical memories from the night of the murders, potentially placing Kohberger at the crime scene and proving his guilt beyond doubt. Murphy, found unharmed in Goncalves’ room at the 1122 King Road house in Moscow, Idaho, on the morning of the tragic killings, has unwittingly become a key figure in the case. The four students—Kaylee Goncalves, Madison Mogen, Xana Kernodle, and Ethan Chapin—were brutally stabbe...
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Part Two: Aryan’s Adventures in the Shadows

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Boise, ID. - Since Bryan Kohberger’s arrest in December 2022, the world has been obsessed with the criminology PhD student with the bushy brows and the white Elantra. But what of Aryan, the lime-green Elantra-driving doppelgänger, the hospital-named twin who’s been dodging the spotlight like a B-movie villain? Oh, he’s been busy, fiendishly busy, skulking in the shadows, plotting to keep his brother out of the firing squad's crosshairs, and maybe, just maybe, reveling in the chaos a bit too much.  Why, just the other night, Gray Hughes, the razor-sharp YouTube crime investigator of Gray Hughes Investigates, a Court TV veteran who’s cracked open high-profile murder cases, mused on his live broadcast about a “Kohberger twin theory,” having ChatGPT read it like a legitimate lead. “Could there be another Kohberger Tweeted on X at 10:45 AM on May 21, 2025 by @CrimeSleuth42 : Gray Hughes himself is talking about a second Kohberger, and the true-crime world is eating it up, proving Aryan’...
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