Trump’s Executive Orders Now Dictate Fast Food Menus, McDonald’s Struggles to Keep Up
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald J. Trump has long been known for his fine dining preferences, which primarily consist of McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pizza Hut, and an endless supply of Diet Coke. But sources inside Mar-a-Lago (and several White House deep fryers still running at full capacity) confirm that Trump has taken his culinary obsessions to a whole new level. After being informed that Colonel Sanders passed away in 1980, a visibly shaken Trump attempted to appoint Ronald McDonald as his personal White House nutritionist. However, when aides explained that Ronald was merely a fictional character, Trump reportedly turned to the sky and whispered, "Ronald was a great man, a really great man, folks. The best. They don't make 'em like him anymore." Undeterred, Trump issued an official demand that McDonald’s executives Beth Hart and Morgan Flatley report to the White House immediately to serve as his personal fast food advisors. McDonald’s has yet...