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Washington, D.C., June 5, 2025 — In a move that shocked absolutely no one who’s been paying attention, President Donald J. Trump announced today that billionaire tech mogul Elon Musk will be deported to “South America, or maybe Canada first, I don’t know, we’ll figure it out.” The executive order, scrawled on a Big Mac wrapper and signed with a Sharpie, cites Musk’s “weird accent” and “too many rockets” as national security threats. “Elon, great guy, tremendous guy, but he’s gotta go back where he came from,” Trump declared at a Mar-a-Lago press conference, flanked by a golden statue of himself holding a taco bowl. “South Africa, South America, same difference. He’s not American enough. Sad!” The announcement came after weeks of escalating tensions between the two larger-than-life figures, reportedly sparked when Musk’s X platform refused to boost Trump’s posts about the "One Big Beautiful Bill Act", and his new “TrumpCoin” cryptocurrency, which crashed after being revealed ...

Boise, ID – In an unprecedented twist in the high-profile Bryan Kohberger trial, a Goldendoodle named Murphy has become the unlikely center of a legal firestorm that could upend the case surrounding the November 2022 murders of four University of Idaho students. The case, already fraught with complexity, has taken a bizarre turn after tech billionaire and self-proclaimed true crime enthusiast Elon Musk intervened by donating a Neuralink brain implant to Murphy, the dog owned by victim Kaylee Goncalves and her former boyfriend, Jack DuCoeur. The implant, Musk claims, has unlocked critical memories from the night of the murders, potentially placing Kohberger at the crime scene and proving his guilt beyond doubt. Murphy, found unharmed in Goncalves’ room at the 1122 King Road house in Moscow, Idaho, on the morning of the tragic killings, has unwittingly become a key figure in the case. The four students, Kaylee Goncalves, Madison Mogen, Xana Kernodle, and Ethan Chapin, were brutally stab...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning geopolitical shake-up, President Donald J. Trump has officially named his son, Barron Trump , as King of New Canada , formerly known as Canada but now rebranded as The United Providences of Trump (UPT) . This historic move comes after Elon Musk , self-proclaimed King of Muskland (formerly Greenland), announced he would personally invade and seize Canada from the United Kingdom , declaring that King Charles III is “way over his head” and never had a right to Canada in the first place. “Canada was always supposed to be part of America. Everyone knows it. I know it. You know it. Even the Canadians know it,” Musk said in a Tweet sent out from his Neuralink-powered brain. “It’s time to make things right. Me and my DOGE Kids will personally lead the charge. ” Barron Trump: The Young King of New Canada After Musk’s one-man conquest proved successful, President Trump wasted no time in securing Canada for House Trump , installing his 18-year-old son, ...