White House Runs Out of Executive Order Blanks as Trump Signs 89th Order, Canada Refuses to Resupply

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking development that has left the highest levels of government scrambling, the White House has officially run out of executive order blanks.

 The crisis unfolded after former President Donald J. Trump, now back in office through what he calls "the most historic, most legal, and very, very powerful" re-election in history, signed his 89th executive order in just a matter of weeks.

Initially, officials believed there was a simple clerical error—perhaps a missing shipment of blank orders buried beneath a pile of unopened subpoenas. But the reality was far worse: The White House’s supply of executive order forms had been manufactured in Canada, and due to ongoing tariff disputes, the Canadian government has officially stopped exporting them to the United States.

“This is the worst case of political sabotage in history,” Trump declared in a hastily called press conference. “I mean, I’ve done some very big orders, folks—huge orders, historic orders. But I need more paper! And do you know who makes the best paper? Not Sleepy Joe, that’s for sure! Canada—very bad country now, very bad. They won’t sell us paper because they’re jealous, because I’m winning again.”

Cardboard May Be the Only Option

With no official forms left, Trump aides have been forced to consider desperate alternatives. According to sources inside the administration, Trump has suggested using the cardboard from the boxes that once held the executive order blanks.

“We're looking into it,” confirmed acting Secretary of Paper Resources, Myron Bigly. “The president has already signed a directive to start flattening the boxes, but we’ve hit another snag—apparently, the boxes were also made in Canada.”

Some insiders worry that writing on cardboard might compromise the "historical importance" of Trump’s executive actions, but others believe it aligns well with his “business-first” philosophy. One staffer, speaking under anonymity, explained: “The man made a fortune selling steaks and fake universities—why not executive orders on repurposed cardboard? It just screams innovation.”

Elon Musk and the DOGE Boys Complicate the Crisis

The situation has been further complicated by Elon Musk and his teenage government think-tank, DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency), who recently shut down the U.S. Government Printing Office, calling it a “total waste of taxpayer dollars.”

“We don’t need government printers anymore,” Musk said during a livestream on his X+ (formerly Twitter, formerly X, formerly Twitter, then X again) platform. “We have AI. The future is paperless. Executive orders should be NFTs.”

Trump was reportedly furious upon hearing this suggestion, demanding to know “if NFTs were like those emails Hillary deleted.”

What Happens Next?

With no executive order forms, a closed government printing office, and Canada refusing to budge, political analysts are left wondering what this means for the country. Some believe this will force Congress to actually pass laws for once. Others suspect Trump will simply resort to signing things on whatever surfaces are available—menus, napkins, the backs of his rally flyers, or even his own golf scorecards.

“Mark my words,” Trump promised supporters. “We’re going to find a way. And when we do, it will be
the biggest, most tremendous signing you’ve ever seen. Nobody signs things like me, folks. Not even close.”

For now, the nation watches and waits to see how history unfolds—preferably on something other than a crumpled McDonald’s bag.

Disclaimer: This is purely satire and should be taken as such—unless, of course, you choose not to. While fictional, it’s no more far-fetched than some of the wild theories about Elon Musk and DOGE that others have seriously entertained. 

Written by BNN staff