Kid Rock Named Head of Newly Formed U.S. Department of Modern Music

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that has left both music historians and foreign policy experts scratching their heads, President Donald J. Trump has announced the creation of the U.S. Department of Modern Music and has appointed none other than Kid Rock as its first director. “I’ve known a lot of musicians. Great musicians. But let me tell you, nobody—NOBODY—knows more about music than Kid Rock,” Trump said at a press conference while sipping a Diet Coke and nodding along to Cowboy . “People say, ‘Mr. President, shouldn’t we get someone from Juilliard?’ No! Juilliard’s full of liberals! We need a real American. Someone with talent. Someone with a truck. And folks, Kid Rock is that guy .” A New National Anthem: ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ is Out One of Kid Rock’s first official duties as head of the department will be rewriting the National Anthem , because, as Trump put it, “Nobody knows the words anyway.” “I mean, have you ever heard people try to sing it? They don’t know it! T...